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"I was learning how to cut through the layers of my life."
During the summer of 2006, I had the opportunity to take a sabbatical from my usual ministerial duties at the Unitarian Universalist Fellowship of Winston-Salem. My primary focus was to research and write about the history of Unitarian Universalism. From this project I gathered and organized much information about the tradition in which I stand. A secondary focus in my sabbatical plan was to learn about a small group of people in Winston-Salem who call themselves the Center for Purposeful Living (CPL). While my main focus taught me about my tradition, my secondary focus at CPL taught me about myself.
I was familiar with this group through my work at the UU fellowship. They made a presentation at a discussion group and talked about the nature of serving others. One of the ways this group manifests its theory of service is at a restaurant called California Fresh Buffet (CFB). The food is delicious, and for a while the executive committee of our board met at CFB. The workers are volunteers, and with their constant smiles they seem almost too friendly. So I decided to volunteer at CFB and take a class called “Becoming the Totally Responsible Person” (TRP).
The basic premise of TRP is that people spend much of their lives being “victims of circumstance”. We react to our environment rather than live with purpose. By choosing to serve, we are proactive and live with purpose. Whatever happens to us is less important than how we respond.
This is the path to being a totally responsible person.
The California Fresh Buffet is more than a restaurant. It is a living “laboratory”, a place where we put the lessons of TRP into practice. If you have ever worked in a restaurant, you know that it is inherently hectic. There are many personalities, many jobs to do and messes to clean up. As a minister, I tend to intellectualize. Doing prep work in the kitchen forced me into an unfamiliar physical sphere. Mostly I chopped vegetables, making various soups and salads. Counter space and a good knife were my main concerns. I worried constantly, “Am I doing this right?” My coworkers were unfailingly polite, even when correcting me. This created an atmosphere that I wanted to be a part of. I felt inadequate by comparison until I changed my focus; until I stopped competing and struggling, and focused on serving.
I imagined the people who would eat this food. I was creating a gift for others. Almost magically, my work and my speed improved.
The point of spending time in the kitchen was not to improve my culinary skills. I was not learning how to cut through the layers of an onion; I was learning how to cut through the layers of my life. I was learning to live in the moment, to do the next right thing. Our minds often convince us why we cannot do all that we hope to do. Becoming a totally responsible person takes away any excuse we have for not doing the right thing. Whenever negative feelings come flooding in, it is up to me to reverse the flow.
One of the meanings of the word “minister” is “to serve”. Going through this program has helped me reevaluate what it means to serve as a minister. So often a minister runs from crisis to crisis. I often spend my life reacting and worrying. Deciding that I would look at each moment as an opportunity to serve simplifies life. I worry less about consequences and stop trying to manipulate the situation. Instead of trying to control others, I focus on controlling my self. I recognize when I feel hurt, sad, scared, or angry, then choose not to react out of my pain. Reminding myself of my higher purpose frees me to act the way I want to act; to be the best person I can be.
One of the traps I fall into as a minister is rescuing people. I realized that being the hero is often self-serving. When I do for others what they can do for themselves, I am not really serving them. I rob them of the opportunity of learning to care for themselves. I am learning to support people as they solve their problems rather than solving problems for them. A minister can take great pride in being the expert. Instead, I am learning to listen more than preach. By changing my attitude I can change the atmosphere around me. When someone comes to me in crisis, I do not have to automatically go into crisis mode. I am more likely to be helpful if I can stay centered.
I learned that the people at the Center for Purposeful Living are trying to transform the world by transforming themselves. The lessons I learned are available for other ministers. I benefited from dropping into their community twice a week as a part-time student enrolled in the weekly TRP Class. But there is also the opportunity to immerse oneself in their intentional community for a month, six months or even a year, and have a sabbatical that really means something: a chance to reconnect with the meaning of ministry, a chance to serve anew. As part of a four-month sabbatical during 2006, Rev. Charlie Davis enrolled as a part-time student in CPL’s weekly “Becoming the Totally Responsible Person” class. He also put the “TRP” principles into practice by volunteering several hours a week in California Fresh Buffet’s kitchen. Charlie Davis is the minister of the Unitarian Universalist Fellowship of Winston Salem, North Carolina.
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