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An effective way to heal faults in others' performance is to focus on what they do well.
When being trained as a speaker for public audiences, I had a coach who never pointed out my faults when I rehearsed. She always focused on what I did well and encouraged me to do better. I was distressed about this approach at first because I wanted to know my mistakes and what I was doing wrong. But she refused to change her method. She constantly focused on my strengths and successes.
One time I observed another coach rip into a trainee with a list of errors she made along with corrections to make in her style and presentation. The trainee was crushed. She felt like a failure. She wanted to give up before she embarrassed herself again. She cried in the back room afterward.
I suddenly gained an immense appreciation for the technique of my coach. My teacher knew that listing out errors and shortcomings demoralizes students and destroys their confidence. She knew that focusing on strengths and abilities builds confidence and increases success.
Lesson learned—an effective way to heal faults in others' performance is to focus on what they do well. The love they feel from their supportive mentor inspires them to do better and grow out of their weaknesses.
Strong relationships are built in much the same way.
Have you ever been tempted to point out someone else’s faults? Let him or her know what they do wrong and why you don’t like it?
Does it help? Does it quickly harmonize the relationship? Not usually.
Honesty and forthrightness are certainly necessary for open communication, but what we are honest about makes all the difference.
God made each of us loving and lovable. It might not always look that way, but it depends upon our perspective. If we look at our partner through the eyes of error, we see faults. If we look at them through the eyes of Love, we see qualities to love. There's a saying: Building relationships is like living in California: don't dwell on the faults! Alan Cohen writes more about this in his article "The Addict and the Sage."
What happens to a structure set over a fault? When an earthquake hits, it falls through the crack. We don't have to dwell on other people's faults. It's more constructive to dwell on the spiritual truth about them and rejoice in what they do well. God made your friend, student, spouse or co-worker perfect in Love. As you look at him or her through the lens of Love you'll see more of the good God put there in the first place. The more you see the positive, and work with them from the point of their worthiness, the shortcomings fall away or become a non-factor. When "reviewing" other people's behavior in my mind, I think back to the approach of my favorite coach. I strive to focus on the good. Build up the good. Point out the strengths and successes. We can trust the Mind of Christ to help our friend or family member figure out the rest, and leave us to still be their trusted confidant in the end. Businesswoman and author Mary Baker Eddy wrote in her Bible commentary, Science and Health : "Jesus beheld ...the perfect man, who appeared to him where sinning mortal man appears to mortals." Evan Mehlenbacher has been a professional healer in Christian Science for over 18 years. Read more from his blog at Spiritview .
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