Hanging on to a bad idea that you love is a sure way to stay trapped.
There is a story I have heard a few times over the years, and each time I hear it...the message speaks loud and clear. It's called "the monkey trap," and it is the method used to catch spider monkeys. Now, if there are any spider monkeys out there who feel this story is a load of bananas...just let me know.
And the story goes... (as paraphrased by Travis)
Trappers have discovered a safe and harmless way to capture spider monkeys. They place something savory (my word choice) for the monkey's inside a heavy bottle (there is a similar technique using a coconut...but the same idea applies). The bottleneck is big enough for the monkey to reach its hand inside, but once it clenches its hand around the food, its fist is too big to get out of the bottle. The bottle is also heavy, so the monkey is unable to escape with the bottle. The only way to get free - is to let go of the object inside of the bottle.
You guessed it - the monkey doesn't let go! Not even when the captors return, and the monkey can still flee by just letting go - but it doesn't. It fights, goes into a panic, but it allows itself to be captured because it won't let go of the prize.
I don't think it's necessary for me to translate the message here - I am sure the message speaks volumes!
I always start to think - How many times have I been the stubborn monkey? Too many times. How many times have I set my sights on what I feel to be the only solution, the only acceptable end result, or the only idea? Too many times. And is it a coincidence I have a hard time letting go because it is my idea that must be the best idea. I think not.
We can't beat ourselves up too much though. We live in a society that heavily outlines what is important, the best way of achieving it, and what success and happiness look like. And, if you aren't making it - you must be doing something wrong...or so the message goes! This idea runs rampant in every walk of life. Bosses and managers pound their chest with "my way or the highway" practices! We ourselves often find it hard to bend or be flexible to how another person works if it doesn't fit our mold of thinking. We like to have our ducks in a row...our row...the row I created.
Friendships and marriages go down the tubes everyday because we won't let go of the object in the bottle. We become willful, stubborn, and inflexible...and if you won't do it the way I want it done...than take a hike!!!
An NFL coach got fired last year after a leadership consultant came in and evaluated the whole organization. After numerous meetings with the coach, the consultant concluded that the coach was so stuck in his ways that he would never be able to adjust to the current team's needs. Instead of addressing the present problem, he referred to his prior successes - leaning on his past credentials instead of taking responsibility for his present work.
His hand was stuck in the bottle - and he wouldn't let go - so he was let go.
What are you not letting go of? Is it past success or failure? Is it in image you have of yourself, friend, spouse, or co-worker? Is it a specific path you feel you need to take? We all have them - and we all have to be willing to let them go.
Why let go? Too often we mistake our plan for our principles. Our principles are those ideas or qualities that are not physical...it might be your personal purpose statement...or your vision statement for your company. But, these statements don't map out the specifics of the journey - but they reinforce the ideals that will guide you along the way. In doing so - they leave lots of room for flexibility!
When I was in Boston, I performed professionally for about 4 years, and knew I was where I wanted to be. In a crazy turn of events, I wasn't cast in the next show, and it threw me for a loop (a small loop, nothing serious). For a few weeks, my hand wouldn't let go of the bottle, because "I knew" I was supposed to be performing on that stage. How dare they tell me otherwise ;)
I couldn't free myself to any other opportunities until I let go.
In order to move on...I had to let go...so I did.
New doors opened! New opportunities presented themselves. None of which I would have seen had I willfully held on to the bottle - the way I thought it needed to happen.
Three years later...I am in a different theater...1,500 miles away...teaching, directing, writing, and performing. I still don't know where the path is going - but I know I am not going to let myself get trapped.
In Science and Health , Mary Baker Eddy writes,"Willingness to become as a little child and to leave the old for the new, renders thought receptive of the advanced idea. Gladness to leave the false landmarks and joy to see them disappear,--this disposition helps to precipitate the ultimate harmony. The purification of sense and self is a proof of progress."
Children don't hold on too much. They are flexible, resilient, and forgiving. They live in the moment, problem solve at breakneck speed, and rarely harbor old baggage.
Are you more like the child. Or the monkey? Do yourself a favor - identify one idea that you need to let go of - AND JUST LET IT GO!!! Then post your comment here and let everyone know how it feels! I dare you :)
Much love,
Travis
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