There’s the old joke that a prima donna is offended if she wakes up in the morning. Well, a lot of us might say we’re offended if we go to work in the morning. And it’s no joke.
The lateral colleague with whom we’re competing for promotion is up to his old tricks again, ingratiating himself with the boss. The administrative assistant on fifth floor just gave us a directive that doesn’t respect our position in the company. The office mate who gets on our nerves just said something aggravating—again. No one in this morning’s staff meeting so much as acknowledged the valuable contributions we made to the discussion. Isn’t it amazing how much of our time at work we spend angry, frustrated, irritated, jealous, resentful, insulted, or in some other negative emotional state? Or how often we engage in what we might call “conversations in the head,” in which we imagine, word for word, what we would say to colleagues with whom we’re upset in order to gain the upper hand, shame or humiliate them, or otherwise put them in their place?
And for what purpose? Do our tantrums, grudges, envies, slow burns, silent treatments, vindictive fantasies, petty power plays, and malicious speech improve our situations? Do they make us more creative, productive, or esteemed? Do they make us feel better? Who is really suffering here—our adversaries (real or imagined), or us?
I know all of this first hand because for years I was this sort of person. Then I discovered a simple but powerful tool to adjust my attitude. It’s called TRP, for Totally Responsible Person, and it is nothing short of transformational.
TRP, which is a foundational principle at the Center for Purposeful Living and has been taught to more than 100,000 people in workshops at leading corporations throughout the U.S. and other countries by the trainers of TRP Enterprises, Inc. helps us identify and change our “victim” mentality.
Victim mentality goes something like this: If things go wrong, or badly, or not to our liking, then someone is to blame. It is necessary to identify the sources of why things are not as we think they should be. Blame must be determined and accepted by the wrongdoer and things must be made right. We are justified in being emotionally upset.
The antidote to victim is TRP, which might be summarized as follows. We wholly accept that everything that has ever happened to us, is presently happening to us, and will happen to us in the future provides us with opportunities for learning and growth, and that no one else can be rightly blamed for any anger, hurts, or other negative emotions we experience, even when the apparent cause is not of our own making.
That last part’s a kicker, eh? “Even when the apparent cause is not of my own making?” Even paranoid people (as the joke goes) can have real enemies, right? Even someone in victim mode also can be a real victim, can’t they? Yes—but that’s not the point. What’s important is how we respond to a situation.
We might not always be able to control what happens to us, but we can always choose our response. And by choosing not to react emotionally to our little workplace annoyances and intrigues (most of which are imaginary anyway), we end our suffering and discover the freedom and empowerment that comes from being in charge of our emotions instead of allowing them to be in charge of us.
Depending on our own beliefs, many of us will recognize the spiritual implications of TRP. Throughout our lives, Spirit provides us, through the people and circumstances we encounter, with all of the experiences we need to learn and grow. Imagine for a moment that those aggravating office colleagues are in our lives for a spiritual purpose. Doesn’t that imbue their behavior with new and profound meaning—and inject added importance into how we respond to them?
The beauty of TRP is that it gives us a choice. No one can force us to react negatively; no one else has control over our emotions. We are in charge, from the very moment we go to work in the morning. Have a nice day!
David Fyten, a professional writer and editor, is a board member of the Center for Purposeful Living, a non-profit service-learning organization in Winston-Salem, N.C., dedicated to helping people discover meaning and purpose in their lives and acquire the skills and tools to achieve that purpose. It offers a one-year, residential, full-scholarship program for people who are looking to make a difference in their lives and the world and are ready to take the next step on their path. For further information, go to its website at www.purposeful.org or contact Joanna White at
or (336) 761-8745. For more information about the Totally Responsible Person and TRP workshops, go to www.trpnet.com or call Thomas White, J.D., or Sanford Danziger, M.D., at (336) 777-1947.
