When we were growing up, our parents would tell us, “If you can’t say something nice about someone, don’t say anything at all.” Now that we’re adults and in the marketplace, the message seems to be, “If you can’t say something nice about someone, come say it to me!”
Few attributes of our working environments are as pervasive and corrosive as gossip and rumor. Even those of us who profess to be aspirational and seek to spiritualize our work environments are not hesitant to join or even initiate a thread of talk—often negative and unsubstantiated—about a colleague or superior. Although it can be malicious, more often it’s mindless—idle chatter with little or no thought given to its purpose or consequences.
The reasons we gossip and spread rumors—to bond with others; to feel superior or mask our own sense of shame, insecurity, or low self-esteem; the schadenfreude we experience when someone else is “less than” we are or is having the misfortune of being disrespected —are really beside the point. What’s important is to be aware of the effects of gossip and rumor, not only on those being talked about, but also on the individuals and groups doing the talking and the workplace environment in which the talking is taking place.
All of us know someone who has been hurt by gossip and rumor; perhaps we ourselves have experienced its repercussions. We know how long lasting its effects can be—years, or even permanently. Relationships and careers can be shattered.
On the inner planes, the damage is even more severe. By their very nature, gossip and rumor are separative. If we believe, as spiritual people, that everyone is connected through Spirit, then by gossiping and spreading rumor, we are rending that fabric; those delicate, ethereal threads that bind us all in eternal Oneness. It only stands to reason that as part of the whole, we and all the innocent bystanders are as injured by our negative speech as much or more as those about whom we talk.
On the etheric level, each instance of gossip affects everyone everywhere. And have we ever noticed how often those who gossip and spread rumors are themselves the subject of wounding speech eventually? The law of karma—what goes around, comes around—is rarely more potent or predictable.
If we, as soulful people who are not malevolent by nature and would never even think of abusing someone physically, blithely harm them with our mouths, what’s behind it? The answer is simple: habit. Habits are the patterns of thoughtless behavior that all of us form by flying through life on automatic pilot. We can eliminate habit through consciousness —awareness of what we are saying, doing, and thinking, moment by moment, so that we can make soulful and purposeful choices.
So we can ask ourselves: what is the purpose of what I’m about to say? Will good come of it? Will it solve a problem? Will it build the subject’s reputation in the eyes of others? Will it serve the situation? Will it brighten the environment? Would silence be better?
How can non-gossipers respond when in the presence of gossip? Each situation differs so there’s no ironclad formula, but I ‘ve found the following strategy helpful:
1. redirect the conversation to some positive topic; 2. state, when asked for comment, that you’d rather not say something negative; 3. say nothing; and 4. simply walk away without any sign of criticism or judgment of those who are gossiping.
All of us seek to express our spiritual principles in the marketplace. There is no more practical way to spiritualize our work environments than to eliminate gossip and rumor from them.
David Fyten, a professional writer and editor, is a board member of the Center for Purposeful Living , a non-profit service-learning organization in Winston-Salem, N.C., dedicated to helping people discover meaning and purpose in their lives and acquire the skills and tools to achieve that purpose. It offers a one-year, residential, full-scholarship program for people who are looking to make a difference in their lives and the world and are ready to take the next step on their path. For further information, go to its website at www.purposeful.org or contact Joanna White at
or (336) 761-8745.
